Week 11 Blog Reviews

Amity:

P. 418 – 10/27

This post starts off really strong, you use your text quotes fantastically – they support your statements but I can still hear your voice coming through your writing. I really admire that because a lot of people can let the quotations overpower their writing and you feel like you’re not even reading original work. My only suggestion for this post would be to elaborate more (and I know that this is just a weekly assignment – not a rough draft or anything) – specifically on why “the Industrial Revolution and Capitalism paved the way”, this statement is general but I know that if you had the need to elaborate, you could.

Another Side of the Foreign Worker – 10/28

I loved, loved, loved this post. Clearly, you were able to do some research (again, not enough to overpower your own writing) and as a reader, I could tell that you understood what you were writing about. This post was informative but not overwhelming to me as a reader. It could have easily turned in to another boring writing piece about foreign workers but you drew upon your own experiences and laid it all out clearly to your reader. I don’t have any suggestions, this was great.

Hilary:

Materialism – 10/26

I enjoyed reading this post, it was very thorough and informative – I still would have been able to follow along if I had not read Twitchell’s article. The organization is great with an introduction, pros and cons but the last paragraph seems to get a little messy. The last paragraph should be used to wrap up your writing, even if it’s just sentence but in this post you open up new negative aspects to materialism. I like that you included the point about Christmas but adding a last, concluding paragraph would strengthen this post.

German Influence – 10/28

I also enjoyed reading this post, it was clear and to the point. You didn’t need any extra fluff to support your claims and I learned that Barbie was German first! Also, good job on relating the German influences back in to our economy – I feel like it could have easily been just a piece on the influences of Germany but you made sure to include the economic undertone and that really kept the reader focused on the “bigger picture”.