Lauren,
Your essay has a great central topic and you seem like you have done a lot of research to create solid groundwork for your essay. The essay looks like it can really turn in to something great with a little clean up. I would focus on more transitions between paragraphs – a few of yours ended with citations and kind of leaves the reader open-ended. But besides that everything looks awesome, you have a strong topic and attention-grabbing introduction. You use outside sources to support your views and they tie in nicely, organization-wise. I can’t wait to see your final product, good luck!
Jacqueline,
I loved your essay describing Kahlo’s life and artwork. You did a fantastic job of describing the artwork and also interpreting your own ideas and analysis into your essay. I only have a few suggestions; first, you have added some citations to your introduction paragraph and although they transition well with the paragraph, it threw me off a bit as a reader. Usually an introduction just lays some groundwork for what is to come in your essay. Second, and I have no idea is this is “allowed” but I’d love to see some images incorporated into the essay word document – I don’t know if that is at all possible but it’s just a suggestion. Other than those minor details it seems like you have a really awesome essay and I’m sure the final draft will be great!
Tasha,
Your voice in the essay was just fantastic, I really felt like we were just talking and you were telling me about this new thing you learned about. It was really easy to read and follow along. You used outside sources well, although I would love to see maybe a direct quote from one of your sources in there, just for some support. The essay had wonderful transitions and flowed very nicely. I’m positive your final draft will be just as phenomenal – good luck!
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